240 more days to go

I don't think I could ever explain what it's like to be an army wife.  No matter how many examples or stories I tell you'd never understand unless you were one.  You won't understand what it's like to wake up alone everyday only to make yourself believe that he's only at work on the other side of post and he'll be back home later.  Then dinner time arrives and you have to face the cold reality that he's not coming home tonight.  So then you pretend he's only out in the "field" down range and he'll be back in two weeks or so.  Two weeks later, nope, not here yet.  All the while it's hard to forget where he's at since your two and a half year old yells "Dabby in Iraq" on an hourly basis.  It's only been three days since you talked with him last on yahoo messenger, (compared to the last deployment when you went one month at a time from hearing from him) but the last time you talked with him, he got so mad at you and signed off.  Now you hope it's not the last time you'll get to talk to
him cause you couldn't live the rest of you're life knowing that the last time you got to speak to your love you got in a fight and he left angry.  Another wive told me that they only give casuality notifications between 0600 and 1200, that I'm not sure of but between those times every single day I hide in my house praying the doorbell or the phone won't ring.  What would I do if it did?  I've made my decision that I couldn't go on.  Last time I got the phone call around 1030 on a Saturday morning that he was hurt, so now every day around 1030 I get so nervous that I want to throw up.  I'm all alone here with three kids that I have to hide from every time I cry.  The youngest one had his first birthday and is walking and his daddy is missing out.  The oldest will have his kindergarten graduation and daddy will miss out.  I will finally graduate from college and my love will miss out.  Living on an army post doesn't help either.  Every where you go, commissary, px, shoppette, there
are women walking hand in hand with their soldier that just got back.  Makes me envious and angry but yet sad and heart broken.  Next time you get to hug, kiss or just be in the same room as your husband, boyfriend, or whatever, be greatful that someone else is out there fighting for themso that they don't have to leave you.  (Ugh...which reminds me that they should soooo start up the draft)  But it's okay, only 5 more months to go, but no, stupid government and their deployment extensions now there's 8 more months to go.  Three extra months of missing out on family memories, 90 more days of missions, shootings, bombings, attacks on the camp, 2160 extra hours of pacing the floor and wishing on stars that today will be the day he calls or gets online, but praying that today is NOT the day that there will be a knock on the door. I don't want anymore "thanks for your husband's service" (by the way, what about MY service too?!), I don't want anymore tax free combat pay, I don't want
anymore 10% off military discounts, I don't want anymore FRG meetings, I don't want anymore Presidential vetos or political games, I just want my husband home.  But again, I pick myself up and finish my day to go to bed alone with my thoughts scrambling, because tomorrows another day and there's 240 more days to go.